so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
