I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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