you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
