Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
