i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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