I think im going to throw up on grandma
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
