You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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