i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
