so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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