If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
