I love black thongs
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize