ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
