dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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