K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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