yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
