I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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