I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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