hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
