At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
