he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
