yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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