im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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