Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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