What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I love you. Go after that dick
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
