Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
