I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize