Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
