and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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