ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
