Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
