You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
