The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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