i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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