he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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