my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
