I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
