Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
