im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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