Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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