my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Your cock deserves a montage
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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