just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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