Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
