Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
