I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
