Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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