its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
