i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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