I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
