Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
