I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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