i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
