are you so shy because you have an std?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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