i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
