3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
