And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
