I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
