it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
