You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are we still banned from the library?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
