WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
