I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have peed in a lot of sinks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
