I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
