The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
