i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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