I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
