nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
