I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
