I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
