I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
