you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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