Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
