Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
