Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
