tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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