Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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