Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
