Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
