Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
