Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
