Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
