If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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