remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Even my vagina gasped.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
