If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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