I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
