Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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