It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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