Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
