I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
