You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
