I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
