NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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