dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
