Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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