I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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