just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
