genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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