heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
