One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
