Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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