I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
