so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize