So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
