im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
