Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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