he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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