were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
